I hate electric light I hate the motor cars I hate mass transportation I hate miracle cures I hate great leaps in science I hate the internet I hate electric toasters I hate the laundromat I hate the twenty-first century I hated the twentieth too I know I won't be here for the next one If I were I'm sure I'd hate that one too I hate special offers I hate my telephone I hate the Wall St. Journal I hate being informed I hate the rich and famous I hate Anheuser-Busch I hate the president I hate the next president too (chorus) I hate the government I hate democracy I hate the socialists I hate bureaucracy I hate the global village I hate the IMF I hate nuclear fission I hate this war (chorus) (repeat chorus)

I'm so happy to be alive It's so easy for me to survive I'm so pleased every day that I give myself a big high-five Praising the Lord for cash is my noble trade You'd be astounded by the money I've made I love my Savior and the GOP too They've both been splendid sources of revenue Lord Jesus was the first American I know that God is a Republican I hate those faggots can I get an amen? Gimme an amen I'm so happy to be alive 'Cause I've got Jesus Christ on my side Tinky Winky is gay and God will make him pay for his crimes Got rich on oil, then I was VP All in all, I'd say I've done quite splendidly With Halliburton I plundered with zeal War profiteering and fat Enron deals I shot my buddy in the face last year The war on terror was a great career I'm not a pirate I'm a privateer I'm a privateer I'm so happy to be alive 'Cause it's peaches and cream all the time I've had very good luck Patrick Leahy go fuck yourself blind Impartial broadcasts fill me with disdain I am the modern-day Citizen Kane Ten thousand stations are airing my stuff I'm foxy foxy but you can't get enough My media empire is without a peer We make it sound like what you wanna hear We'll make the ugly truth disappear Watch it disappear I'm so happy to be alive 'Cause I'm biased and I'm nationwide You'll believe what I tell you Who cares if I'm selling you lies? I'm so happy to be alive I've got all the big guns on my side Yes of course it's all true There's nothing I won't do to survive

Remember when we slept over? No, I suppose you probably don't You lay with us like a lover With distinctly unfriendly overtones We had to hold you down tightly While letting you spit and curse at me We don't take your anger lightly But Dave go to sleep Don't stop doing that beat change Don't stop, Dave don't stop doing that beat change Don't stop doing that beat change Don't stop, Dave But you wouldn't go down easy You ranted and raved and rolled your eyes We tried to take you seriously 'cause Painkillers and whiskey never lie If life is a grand illusion Then why do we rage and struggle so? The victims of our confusion Are always the last to know (chorus) Don't look too hard for meaning No accusations are being made You were out of your head that evening But we were partly to blame Maybe you were right to act that way Nah, Dave you're fucking insane Don't stop Don't stop doing that beat change (chorus)

Born of the night In the shadow times She's a dark one, dark one Perfect of form Perfect empty mind She's a cold one, cold one Shaped and enhanced By the ruler's hand She's a fast one, fast one Keeping the peace In the border lands No emotion but the gleam in her cold hunter's eyes Well she's a speed queen Yeah she's a speed queen Well she's a speed queen Yeah she's a speed queen Mind the curfew If you wish to live She'll be out there waiting The blade is the Only gift she gives And she gives it swiftly You made a big mistake Didn't you boy Vision fades so quickly Last thing you see Brings you little joy As she turns and strides away on mechanical thighs (chorus)

Blind and groping in the dark And hoping for a spark Or glimmer of illumination Peering through a dusky glass Mysterious shapes pass To and fro as if in a dream Why is it so hard To see things as they really are? In the land of the blind they say The one-eyed man is king That may be so, the one thing I know is I really can't see a thing Have I always been this way? It's hard to really say This fog is both before and behind me The past has been obscured And the future is unsure All that remain are tiny glimpses laterally I would like to be An astronaut or a bumblebee I'd fly around all day Free of the laws of gravity Maybe one day I will see The chains that shackle me And on that shining impossible day I will finally be free Or maybe I've got it all wrong And vision is too strong And in the land of the seeing confusion is king There's just too much going on

Say that's an awfully sharp pair of pants you're wearing I'd love to know just where you bought them from oh-oh-oh I didn't know that Gap made pants so rad no-no-no An Indonesian miracle What's your demographic? Whatever's in this week with your new clique What's your demographic? Your taste is so elastic, ooh-ooh What's your demographic? You've got an iPod 20,000 songs inside it What do you have in there to share online oh-oh-oh? When you're jammin' out in front of the bus station oh-oh Are you bathed in vibrant glowing neon light oh-oh-oh? What's your demographic? Afraid to be bombastic What's your demographic? You say Top 40 swill just makes you sick What's your demographic? You don't know why you like what you like anymore What's your demographic? You bought it with a mouse click woo-hoo What's your demographic? Do you do the Dew, and if you do, do you do doo-doo? You're such a hipster Got such a sense of style You crazy counter-culture icon, you oh-oh-oh Did you get it at Goodwill or at Hot Topic oh-oh? Did you lay it out the night before? What's your demographic? You try to be sarcastic What's your demographic? To look like you don't care is half the trick What's your demographic? One in a million, you make a million and one What's your demographic? You're so iconoclastic ooh-ooh What's your demographic? Baby I'm out of my mind in these times I can't find enough rhymes in these lines to opine on these crimes What's your demographic? Your mind is being raped yet you're apathetic What's your demographic? Why doesn't all this crap you're buying make you sick? What's your demographic? Your decisions are completely automatic What's your demographic? You're all wrapped up in plastic ooh-ooh What's your demographic?

Do you ever get the feeling your life is going grey? No matter how you try you can't chase those clouds away We are so excited about our happy news, a breakthrough An elegant solution has been found especially for you It's exactly just the thing you need Don't be fooled by cheap imitations or inferior medications Total satisfaction guaranteed Two of these will fix you up forever it's a change for the better All you wanna do is sleep the time away And all the little pleasures have drained out of your days It is our belief that surely you deserve some relief We are proud to offer you the gift of rest for eternity You don't have to wait for your reward Don't delay, act now, take advantage of this special one-time-offer You are justified in wanting more You're a sensitive person and you have a right not to suffer Why not chart a course for tranquil shores? Cast aside your fears and frustrations on a permanent vacation Side effects will commonly include Numbness in the extremities and a loss of motor function Certain complications may ensue Women who are pregnant or nursing may wish to consult a doctor Blindness, deafness, and incontinence Needn't be a cause for concern, it means the medicine is working Effectiveness 100% Sweet oblivion is just a phone call away, call today

I can't believe it's true It was only last night, only last night I heard the news I know all things must end But it makes me sad and it makes me angry 'cause we were friends I don't believe in kittens I can't believe they're real I don't believe in kittens Somehow I can't stand the way they make me feel The way they make me feel I'll never understand What made you do it, made you do it. Was it all planned? How can I ask you why? When you didn't even take the time to say goodbye It's foolish to feel this way You must have felt so alone you must have been so afraid I don't believe in kittens I can't believe they're real I don't believe in kittens Somehow I just fail to see the big appeal I don't see the appeal I will remember you The way I saw you last night, saw you last night...nobody knew I'll miss you secretly 'Cause you're still around but you're gone forever Still around but gone forever, gone forever, gone forever I don't believe in kittens I can't believe they're real I don't believe in kittens Somehow I can't stand the way they make me feel I don't believe in kittens I can't believe they're real I don't believe in kittens Somehow I just fail to see the big appeal I don't see the appeal

Monkey think that everyone is his friend Monkey never think that this is the end Monkey laugh and play at silly monkey game Monkey make mistake and monkey ashamed To be just a silly monkey amusing but subhuman Monkey sense something wrong and monkey right Chop chop and monkey die without a fight Monkey sense something wrong and monkey right Chop chop and monkey go into the night Monkey do his best to please everyone Monkey really only want to have fun Monkey only acting like monkey should Monkey never know his brain taste so good He squirm and grin deliciously his brain paste have such good taste (chorus) Requiem aeturnum Requiem aeturnum At the table monkey think it's his chance Everybody watch him caper and dance Monkey let them put his head in the hole Eat brain from monkey skull bowl (chorus) (repeat chorus)

*This is a cautionary tale about a friend of mine Who woke up one morning to a real bad time Had some trouble with his pants, or so he said But the real shit started when he went back to bed* *(repeat verse)* I woke up this morning, tried to put on some pants But pulled them right up over my head I said fuck these pants and took them off again And then I went right back to bed, to bed Ah-oh... I fell asleep and had a terrible dream It was a crazy bloody fucked up scene From the Good Book about the end of days Listen to those awful trumpets play! And then a beast with seven horns came out of the sea And he fixed his evil eyes on me And I said AHH!, and I ran Diddle-little-little-little-little-little-ly So I ran faster but he caught up with me And I knew he was my master 'cause I could see that Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa And then the moon turned to blood and locusts filled the sky Just like these creepy visions filling my head And I woke up screaming and began to cry And then I fell right out of bed and hit my head Ow... *He put his pants on again and this time he did it right Reached into his pocket and what did he find?* It was a handful of percs for my aching head Goddamn, I said, I'm never going back to bed Stupid falsetto Never, ever I'm never going back to bed Never, ever So, I washed it all down with a swig of cheap wine And I called up my shorties 'cause it's party time I got a forty in one hand and a forty in the other And now I'm drinkin' forties out of both hands, motha I woke up this morning, tried to put on my pants I guess you already heard that line But now the house is rocking and I'm getting tight And generally having a good time I woke up this morning, tried to put on some pants But pulled them right up over my head I said fuck these pants and took them off again And then I went right back to bed, to bed Ah-oh... I got a forty in one hand and a shorty in the other I think I'm gonna need a couple more hands, brotha *Oh Jesus, you know, maybe if you hadn't driven to New Hampshire On Memorial Day, for beer, you wouldn't have put your pants on your head* *What's the big deal, brotha? And then you left all the bacon out Bacon doesn't keep forever It was my bacon to leave out*